Many years ago, in a small province in France, a band of Noble Ruffians from Norway landed a raiding party. When the dust of raging battle had settled, the leader of the Party (the Party Leader) proclaimed himself Duke, and moved in to the castle that was left standing. In those days, this was known as a Shrewd Real Estate Deal.
The poor King of France (one of the interminable number of Louis') could do nothing but go along with the idea. But, he struck a bargain, which the raiding Robert (for that was the name of the Party Leader) thought was a Good Idea At The Time. The Deal was: Louis will deign to recognize Robert as the new owner of the piece of real estate, if Robert won't take over the rest of France.
Robert, however, would have to perform an act of fealty for his new King that seemed distasteful. Robert would have to kiss the King's Foot. Well, Robert said he would, and ordered his men to bring the King's Foot to him. Since the King was rather attached to his foot, Robert's men decided it would be alright to bring the whole King. And so they did.
Robert saw the logic of not harming his new Lord too much, but refused to bend over to any man, especially to kiss a foot, so Robert was left with only one option, pick up the foot. This would have been fine, if Robert had not been over six feet tall, and Louis under six feet tall.
After they picked the King up off the ground, and stopped him from declaring war on his new Vassal (after pointing out that the only reason Robert wasn't King himself was that he didn't particularly want to be), things settled down to several generations of the usual stormy times, with the usual measly border clashes.
Robert's grandson William, however, got a bit uppity. He decided that he did want to be a King. He felt, however, that his Grandad had picked the wrong country to settle in. William was a Anglophile. He Really liked England. He even had picture postcards up all over his castle walls, and would sit and ruminate and plot (mostly plot) over what he would do in England.
At this same time, a King Harold (of one of those Scandinavian countries no one can ever keep straight, we'll call them Danes) decided he too would like to vacation in England - it's too cold in Scandinavia - and while he was at it, he might as well take the place over.
William and Harold should have talked. That is all there is to it.
Both of them managed to plan their vacations at the same time. Harold landed a few days ahead of William (Oh, Lucky William) and so the King of England (also a Harold - some people just don't know what to name their kids) was away in the north greeting Harold the Dane and His Great Danes (a War Band) when William landed in the south.
William was ticked off at not being accorded the usual greeting due someone of his rank(cor) so decided it was time for a little unnecessary mayhem.
By this time, Harold of England had met Harold the Dane and explained the situation. Harold the Dane didn't like it one bit, so Harold of England deported Harold the Dane.
Harold the Dane had a very pleasant trip back to Denmark, but complained of it being too dark inside the coffin. He was buried in great elaboration.
Meanwhile, Harold of England took his greeting party (with balloons and all) on a forced march southward to meet with William, Harold having regretted his lack of attention to his second Illustrious Guest.
William and Harold met near a little town called Hastings and tried to work things out. Harold pointed out that he had, after all, been faced with two guests at the same time, but did get south as soon as he could. William pointed out that he was tired from his long journey when he arrived, and it was too late for excuses. Harold mentioned that he had brought his own Housecarls ( a kind of important official greeter - armed to the teeth). William said "so what", and he didn't like Harold's attitude.
From there, things started to go down hill. Actually up hill. And the "things" were William's troops. William surrounded poor King Harold - William's family keeps running in to "poor Kings" - and managed to knock down Harold and his Housecarls (another War Band) enough times that they didn't get up again, ever.
What was William to do? He went on up to London and had himself crowned King. William even managed to publish a book - the Domesday Book - that later became a best seller among Historians, and had a very nice Tapestry (the period equivalent of a television miniseries) done up to tell the whole story of his little Vacation.
The peasants rebelled from time to time, but the new King didn't understand what they were talking about, since he had managed to leave his French-English dictionary in his other suit, and so put them down furiously.
After awhile, the rebellions stopped, and things got back to a relatively normal state. At least for England in those days.
And everyone lived happily every after. Sort of.
Support our site! Please visit Ecology Designs for gifts and books.
Original content copyright 1995-2007 Robert B. Hole, Jr. All Rights Reserved